Marching into Spring?

If March comes in like a lion it's supposed to go out like a lamb -- but if it comes in like a lamb, it's supposed to go out like a lion.

Confused? March is. March used to the be first month of the year, and for good reason: In the Northern Hemisphere March is the month when the icy grip of Winter is broken, at least occasionally, and for short periods, and the first tentative sprigs of green poke carefully out of the cold, dead ground. But there's no straight-line progression: A snowstorm may follow close on the heels of a 70-degree day. That's confusion.

March is the time for new life and renewal -- perfect symbolism for Lent and Easter -- and, this year, for Western Christians, Easter will arrive in March, on the 31st.

In March we wear green for St. Patrick on the 17th, and red for St. Joseph on the 19th.

We're still wary of the Ides of March, March 15, that fateful day in 44 B.C. when Julius Caesar finally grasped the point that some of his fellow friends, Romans and countrymen weren't entirely thrilled with his one-man rule. It's a wonder that the IRS doesn't make personal income taxes due and payable on March 15 instead of the 15th of April -- but corporate tax returns are due on the Ides of March.

Not surprisingly, March will be Irish-American Heritage Month.

But March is also Expanding Girls Horizons in Science and Engineering Month and International Science Month, National Middle School Month, Honor Society Awareness Month, and Music In Our Schools Month.

March is Cabin Fever Month, but Spring Training and the World Baseball Classic are underway in March, promising eventual relief, and relief pitching, to even those of us in northern climes.

And March is Red Cross Month and Women's History Month.

March is also National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. Colonoscopies are invasive and uncomfortable, the preparation is difficult and not a little disgusting, and getting one when you're supposed to just might save your life. So deal with it. In March perhaps.

And, finally, in March we celebrate Humorists are Artists Month. We hope you will, too.

February brings us Super Bowl Sunday and Groundhog's Day. What else?

T.S. Eliot wrote, "April is the cruelest month," but we think February wins that prize, hands down. And that's even if you do have a valentine to call your own.

The days are dark and cold, without Christmas lights to pierce the gloom. Even those who find Winter brisk and invigorating at first tend to be sick of it by February.

And speaking of sick, while this year may be different, February is often the height of the flu season. Surely, this year, with the flu spread so early, it won't be worse in February, will it?

Well, it might.

For a month that is so short, February drags on pretty near forever.

But there are some things to look forward to in February.

February will Black History Month, Library Lovers Month, and Plant the Seeds of Greatness Month. No, we don't know of any catalog that offers to sell the Seeds of Greatness. We'd order them, too.

Some February observances have obvious tie-ins. We have Valentines Day in February and, so, a number of heart-related observances: American Heart Month, for example (sponsored by the the American Heart Association), or National Mend A Broken Heart Month (which is not sponsored by a group of cardiac surgeons, although maybe it should be).

Less obvious, perhaps, is the February tie-in for National Marfan Syndrome Awareness Month. But some think that Abraham Lincoln may have suffered from Marfan's. That would suffice.

We can't figure out why February might be Age-related Macular Degeneration (AMD) and Low Vision Awareness Month, but it is.

February is also Sleep Safety Month. If you're coming home at night to sleep, you're probably observing sleep safety. If your neighbor frequently travels on business and you're staying over with your neighbor's wife instead, you are not properly observing sleep safety.

February is also Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month -- although we have found no indication of any particular amnesty granted during this time. While you're at the grocery in February, you may wish to celebrate National Cherry Month, Grapefruit Month or Beans (Dried or Fresh) Month.

Usual Suspect Brownielocks.com includes Pull Your Couch Off the Wall Month in her list of February observances. Granted, February is a short month, but does one really need an entire month to accomplish this?

OK, besides Christmas and/or The End of the World, what else can we look forward to in December?

If the Mayans are right, there's not much point in hanging Christmas decorations this year; the world will end on December 21. Of course, there may be other explanations for this seemingly bleak prophecy. One such explanation is offered by this cartoon.

Hanukkah (sometimes spelled Chanukah) runs this year from December 8 to December 16.

Kwanzaa will be celebrated between December 26 and January 1. Festivus will be observed on December 23.

(Maybe.)

December is International Safe Toys and Gifts Month and Young Children's Safe Toys & Gifts Awareness Month. It's not hard to figure out the tie-ins here.

The connection between December and National Drunk and Drugged Driving Prevention Month should likewise be obvious -- unless you've already had too much holiday cheer. Just in case the Mayans are wrong, designate a driver. (And, no, Rudolph is not available for this purpose.)

Folks baking Christmas cookies are particularly reminded that National Handwashing Awareness Week will be observed this week from December 2 through December 8.

Usual Suspect brownielocks.com says the Halcyon Days will run this year from December 14 to December 18. But her math may be off. Wikipedia says there are seven Halcyon Days, on either side of the Winter Solstice. In mythology, these are days on which winter storms will not occur. The Blog of Days offers no warranty of any kind regarding same.

Finally, December is also National Fruit Cake Month. Pictured here is one of the roughly 30 fruit cakes in actual circulation in the continental United States (there are only about 30 in circulation at any given time, passed along from unsuspecting victim to unsuspecting victim).

The last new fruit cake was made in 1958, although there is talk -- threats, really -- of making some new ones if the number in circulation dips much below 20. Most old fruit cakes have been safely relocated to landfills, but others, though no longer in active circulation, are believed to be in use as door stops.

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Mayan calendar cartoon obtained from this site.

November: There's a whole 'nother month 'twixt Halloween and Christmas

You wouldn't know it from the commercials on your television, of course, but there really is an entire, standard-size month sandwiched in the calendar after Halloween and before Christmas. Kids, if you're skeptical about this (and who can blame you?) check your calendars at home. We'll wait right here while you check.
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OK, now do you believe us?

November is Family Literacy Month, National Adoption Month, Lung Cancer Awareness Month, and Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month.

November is also International Impotency Awareness Month. Oh, great! There might be more Viagra or Cialis commercials this month? Well, maybe not: After all, there are a lot of Christmas commercials to air. So there is -- finally -- one good thing to say about early Christmas commercials.

This will also be National Family Caregiver Month.

Celebrate November by writing the Great American Novel. It's National Novel Writing Month.

But there are some observances planned for November that we here at The Blog of Days can not get behind. To wit: The organizers of World Vegan Month failed to take into account that the United States celebrates Thanksgiving in November. Of course, maybe turkeys are behind World Vegan Month.

Lots more in October besides Halloween

Civil War Adm. David Farragut
Farragut's father was a native of Minorca, Spain.
(Image obtained from Wikipedia.)

Yeah, we all know Halloween comes in October. And that it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

But what else is observed in the month to come?

Well, National Hispanic Heritage Month continues through October 15 (it began on September 15).

And lots of other ethnic groups celebrate in October as well: It's German-American Heritage Month (even though most "Oktoberfests" are already over by the time October starts), Italian-American Heritage Month (oh, yeah, Columbus Day, right?), and Polish American Heritage Month. Thinking about all these ethnic observances makes it easy to understand why October has been designated Global Diversity Awareness Month.

Sure, October is National Pumpkin Month -- that's an obvious Halloween tie-in. But there are some tie-ins that are more subtle: October is National Dental Hygiene Month and National Orthodontic Month.

OK, not that much more subtle.

And there's lots more to celebrate in October. It's Country Music Month and Family History Month. It's National Bullying Prevention Month and National Cyber Security Month.

October is also International Dinosaur Month. Pick a different dinosaur to celebrate every day this month.

They won't mind.

What to remember in September?

Do these things really migrate on their own?

In September we observe Be Kind to Writers and Editors Month. As far as we're concerned, we could stop right there.

It's also National Coupon Month -- but don't break your screen trying to clip and save this information.

Children's Good Manners Month is celebrated in September; we'd encourage that this be observed all year round. Wouldn't you?

September is Library Card Sign-Up Month. This goes well with September being Read a New Book Month and also Adult Literacy Month.

September is also Bourbon Heritage Month -- feel free to celebrate this any day on which the regularly scheduled microminiholidayettes prove inadequate.

On a serious note, September is National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month, National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, and National Sickle Cell Month.

But September is also Pink Flamingo Month. Why? Our crack research staff was unable to figure that one out. Watch your lawns, though. Maybe this is the month they migrate....

August is Back to School Month

It's also Black Business Month. African-Americans owning school supply businesses should be particularly happy to see the page turn on the calendar.

In keeping with the Back to School theme, August is also National Truancy Prevention Month and Get Ready for Kindergarten Month.

Not enough Back to School stuff for you yet? Well, click here for more about Children's Eye Health and Safety Month and National Immunization Awareness Month.

That same link, however, will also give you information about Psoriasis Awareness Month, and National Breastfeeding Month.

August is Win with Civility Month -- but this is an election year. Don't get your hopes up.

July: You probably already guessed that this is Fireworks Safety Month

And if it wasn't, it should be.

If you are so inclined, the National Council on Fireworks Safety offers these common-sense tips for handling fireworks:

• Use fireworks outdoors only.
• Obey local laws. If fireworks are not legal where you live, do not use them.
• Always have water handy. (A hose or bucket).
• Only use fireworks as intended. Don't try to alter them or combine them.
• Never relight a "dud" firework. Wait 20 minutes and then soak it in a bucket of water.
• Use common sense. Spectators should keep a safe distance from the shooter and the shooter should wear safety glasses.
• Alcohol and fireworks do not mix. Have a "designated shooter."
• Only persons over the age of 12 should be allowed to handle sparklers of any type.
• Do not ever use homemade fireworks of illegal explosives: They can kill you! Report illegal explosives to the fire or police department in your community.

Assuming you keep all of the eyes, fingers and toes that you start July with, what else should you consider celebrating throughout the coming month?

Our crack research staff strongly urges you to consider celebrating National Cell Phone Courtesy Month. The link is to etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore's blog; she started the observance in 2002. On her blog, Ms. Whitmore provides these Top Ten cell phone courtesy tips:

1. Be all there. When you’re in a meeting, performance, courtroom or other busy area, let calls go to voicemail to avoid a disruption. In some instances, it’s best to put your phone on silent mode.
2. Keep it private. Be aware of your surroundings and avoid discussing private or confidential information in public. You never know who may be in hearing range.
3. Keep your cool. Don’t display anger during a public call. Conversations that are likely to be emotional should be held where they will not embarrass or intrude on others.
4. Learn to vibe. Use your wireless phone’s silent or vibration settings in public places such as business meetings, religious services, schools, restaurants, theaters or sporting events so that you don’t disrupt your surroundings.
5. Avoid “cell yell.” Remember to use your regular conversational tone when speaking on your wireless phone. People tend to speak more loudly than normal and often don’t recognize how distracting they can be to others.
6. Follow the rules. Some places, such as some restaurants or courtrooms, restrict or prohibit the use of mobile phones, so adhere to posted signs and instructions. Some jurisdictions may also restrict mobile phone use in public places.
7. Excuse yourself. If you’re expecting a call that can’t be postponed, alert your companions ahead of time and excuse yourself when the call comes in; the people you’re with should take precedence over calls you want to make or receive.
8. Send a text message when you want to send a quick message. But remember not to text while having a conversation with another person. It’s important to give others, especially clients and customers, your full, undivided attention.
9. Watch and listen discreetly. Multimedia applications such as streaming video and music are great ways to stay informed and access the latest entertainment. Use earphones to avoid distracting others in public areas.
10. Don’t text and drive. Don’t put your life or those of others at risk. Pull over if you absolutely must send a message or wait until you reach your destination.

We can only hope these catch on.

Not enough for you? How about Wheelchair Beautification Month? Or how about Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month? (And, before you know it, Try to Give Away a Few Dozen Rabbits Month....)

Readers of this blog should never have to worry about being bored, but July is Anti-Boredom Month. In case you were interested.

July is also Nectarine and Garlic Month, although that sounds like a combination that should only be served to persons who fail to observe basic cell phone courtesy.

Have a Glorious Fourth, and be sure to consult the Blog of Days each and every day in July for more suggestions on what to observe and celebrate.

June is the month for brides... and so much more

With May winding down, you're beginning to think about how you will celebrate each and every day in June.

I'll have a suggestion or two, of course, on how to celebrate each and every day -- that's what we're here for -- but, just in case you're taking the long view -- looking for some information about the entire month -- read on.

June is Potty Training Awareness Month. Good luck with that.

Our crack research staff found some support for the idea that June is National Pest Control Month -- but opinion is not unanimous on this; there is also some suggestion online that April is National Pest Management Month. The Blog of Days can not take sides in this conflict -- but we can report, with confidence, that June really is Fight The Filthy Fly Month. We can even tell you that June earns this distinction because it contains the feast day of St. Leufredus (on June 21), an 8th Century French monk, who is the saint to whom to pray when tormented by flies. According to Saints Preserve Us!: Everything You Need to Know About Every Saint You'll Ever Need, by Sean Kelly and Rosemary Rogers, when pesky flies bothered the good man during his prayers, Leufredus "banished those insects forever from his house."

June is also National Migraine Awareness Month. I thought that anybody with a migraine couldn't help but notice, in June or any other month. I hope this is wrong, but maybe in June migraines hurt more?

The National Safety Council declares June to be National Safety Month, "an annual observance to educate and influence behaviors around the leading causes of preventable injuries and deaths." Preventable deaths are often tragic, but deaths can't be wholly prevented -- not indefinitely.

If you like turkey, June is for you: It's Turkey Lovers Month. And if you'd like an ice tea with that turkey sandwich, June is the month for you: It's also National Iced Tea Month.

(That apparently explains why The Tea Association of the USA is plugging the World Tea Expo in Las Vegas on June 4 and 5.)

You can find all sorts of strange month-long observances in June with a quick web search. I'll just leave you with two more.

June is World Naked Bike Ride Month -- but only in the Northern Hemisphere. In the Southern Hemisphere, your local Naked Bike Ride will take place in March -- and for the same reason. If it's cold, who wants to peddle naked? Many American cities, including Chicago, will have their rides on Saturday June 9.

You may think that's pretty silly -- but I think I can top it: June is also National Goat Trauma Awareness Month.

Now I realize that you're probably inclined to believe everything you see on the Internet -- after all, everything here is true, right? -- but testimonials like this one on the National Goat Trauma Foundation website make me just a teensy bit suspicious:

"I thought that the goats were out to get me. People called me paranoid, but since attending one of the CGTF's workshops, I know I'm right. Goats ARE out to get me! And now I can protect myself!"

I might even go so far as to say (please forgive me) BAH humbug!

Whatever you choose to celebrate, get ready: In a few days, June will be bustin' out all over.

Coming attractions -- week of May 20

Memorial Day is coming, and Memorial Day is the unoffical beginning of the summer vacation season. It should therefore come as no surprise that this week you can observe National Safe Boating Week (May 19 to May 25) or Recreational Water Illness and Injury Prevention Week (May 21 to 27).

The coming summer also explains National Backyard Games Week (May 21 to 28).

The connection between National Medical Transcriptionist Week and Memorial Day is less obvious... and probably non-existent.

But if you don't like the suggestions for any of the individual days this week, you can always celebrate one of these.